The Chance To Make Right a 20 Year Regret

I've lived 20+ years with the regret of not getting a college degree. It was easy to justify, seeing that I thought I was "just too dumb" to get a college degree. How sad to think that I wasted 1/2 of my life believing the lie that I'm not smart enough.

So today, backpack, computer and spiral notebook in hand I set out to finish the journey that I started 22 years ago. I'm nervous, I'm not going to lie. It seems that whenever I walk around the campus I feel as young as most of the students, but inside I wonder if they are looking at me and wondering "what's up with that old lady"?

God give me grace today. Help me to see others as you see them. And Lord even more than that, help me to see myself as you see me. Your smart precious daughter, going out into the world to accomplish the dream she thought was forever dead.

Tommy said to me yesterday, "I've never seen anyone as excited to go to school as you are mom". I told him, "it's not every day that you get the chance to make right a 20 year regret.

The butterflies are definitely active. The closer it gets to the time I need to leave, the more nervous I'm becoming. Hopefully, I will not pass out or throw up before this day is done!

Lord, give me courage. Help me to remain calm. Give me peace. Help me to see You everywhere I go today. Lord, I feel like this is your gift to me. The precious gift of a second chance. Help me to appreciate it, work hard and make YOU proud! : )

Be Blessed,
Lisa

Conquered or Courageous?

I'm starting back to college next Tuesday. I've never been a full time college student, and frankly, after being on campus yesterday getting my student ID, parking pass and books, I'm more than a little intimidated. Actually petrified is a more accurate description.

This fear and insecurity has really caught me off guard. I was so excited when I first felt God calling me to go back to school and finish my degree. But now, the closer I get to actually stepping foot in a classroom, the more insecure and afraid I'm becoming.

This isn't the "Lisa" I know today. This is the 13 year old Lisa in middle school. The girl who didn't believe she was smart enough and didn't have the self confidence to try new things. The girl that quit when things got hard. The girl that said "yes" because she was too insecure to say "no". The girl that didn't try out for basketball because she was too afraid she would make a fool out of herself. The girl that married the first boy that came along because she was afraid no one else would want her. The girl that I thought was dead, buried and long gone has all of the sudden reappeared.

As I sit here I have to remind myself over and over that I'm not that girl anymore. I'm 49 not 13. I'm a good wife and caring mother. I've been a successful sales manager (even without a college education). And now God has called me to go back to school and He would not ask me to do anything that he hasn't equipped me to do. I have to remind myself that He doesn't want to see me make a fool out of myself. That's not who He is.....He is love. He's my biggest cheerleader. He only wants good things for me.

As I was praying and spending time with God this morning, I kept telling him "I'm afraid", "I'm insecure", "I want to feel (and be) courageous God"! Help me!  Then in His loving way, He led me to the perfect verse.

And now, my dear daughter, don't you worry about a thing; (I could stop right there, but it gets better!); I'll do all you could want or ask. (Yes He said ALL)!; Everybody in town knows what a courageous woman you are - a real prize! (Is he bragging on me? Yes I think he is!) Ruth 3:11 MSG

Wow what a verse! What a promise! 


God thank you so much for showing me this verse. The first thing I notice is You refer to me as Your "dear daughter". What a wonderful, tender and loving way to address me. I can almost see You sitting here with me, holding my hands cupped in Yours as you look directly in my eyes and say "dear daughter",  do not be afraid! You can do this, Lisa!

Father God, take my fear and replace it with confidence. Help me to not slip back into the insecure 13 year old girl. Remind me today and the next few days and weeks that I have grown into a courageous woman. Your courageous woman.


Be blessed,

Lisa